first of the month look back 04: the weak always blame the strong
Today I will revisit exactly 10 years ago today. It is the summer after my first year at MTSU and I am living at with mother in Nashville, TN. I had written in three entries into my book journal and I have typed them all out. I will then comment after all of the entries. So let us all go back ten years ago in my life and read about
....Wednesday July 01st 1998...
| 12.15pm
That lunatic, Danny called last night and asked for Mary...what a loon. I'm doing ok...I'm gonna take a show in a few minutes so that I can see about the job at the customer service of Green Hills Mall....this is the day that I get to take the Hillsboro bus that gets downtown at 5:15...so I might see Tighlman on the bus. if so I 'll talk with him...I was chatting with Billy this morning...I told him that I talked with Mikey on the phone...he asked why I never talk to him and he signed off...so I was wondering if I should worry about that...I sent him an email...I wanna call him, but I wasn't sure if I could...I got some cool emails from David, another guy name David...he's happy to be my pen pal...and he'll be able to go to Nashville Tech soon...So he goes, I mean, he must be a resident of this city...damn this city for country music. Anyhow, why I am I sneezing so much? Crystal, Amanda, Clifton, and others also emailed me, so it's great to have supportive friends...well I hope Billy isn't mad at me...but like that chic from Melrose Place says "the weak ones always blame the strong."
03.27pm
I'm on the Hillsboro bus as it races down 21st Avenue and I have to say that this a hard thing to do...with all the bumps in the road and, but it's cool when he stops at red lights or to pick up a customer...I just got...I just saw John Tidwell...he was on the bus, but he had to get off...he apologized for the short time, but I assured him that it was ok...it's great to see friends such as him...looks like mean clouds in the sky are threatening to rain on us all...but rain is good though...it's good for nature damn it...I bought this journal that has words in it...so that was majorly cool...when I get home, I need to email some people...I'm really glad that I've gotten back in touch with my online friends...it's very reassuring and I think I have a cool idea for a poem called none other than "reassurance."""I didn't get the job at the Green Hills Mall customer service like I wanted, so my next line of action is to get a temp job...so wish me luck on my progress...you all know that tomorrow is the day I get my contacts...well it's the day I go to get my eyes examined...so I'm very much in a good mood now...I'll write more laterz...
11.18pm
01. Peabody (Payne 02nd floor room 106)
02. Garland (01st floor room 101 or 102)
Those are the two computer labs that are open to the public...I might go tomorrow, but I might not since I have my eye appointment at 1pm...I cannot wait...the One-In-Teen meeting went well...I was so outgoing and alive...I talked with Will, Eric, Rhys, and others...JW or what ever the fuck his name is was brutally mean...he got pissed at I-Hop and said out lout, "that bitch is slow." he this really loud and it pissed me and other off...and Rusty is making me upset...though I'm not gonna worry about it, cause I'm not gonna let some leaver to beaver guy keep me down...I had cool conversations with Rhys...we talked about how some people talk about others behind their backs...like how people make fun of Tighlman behind his back...it really pisses me off...he was sitting by himself...and it was sad...he and his boyfriend really looked good together...and it make me mad that people made fun of him, I mean them...it was really hurtful...I am really glad that I'm talking to Jeff and Fredrick...and I can't wait until the Murfreesboro One-In-Teen starts...It will be so cool...talking to Eric is so cool...he has this cute face and it makes you say, "awe."...he's happy that I stopped smoking and so is Rhys...he's so sweet...I've made some numerous changed this week so fart...I'm more confident in the future and where I'm heading to and I'm not gonna let people like Rusty/Kenneth keep me from reaching my goal...the weak always blame the strong and I'm not gonna let it happen [to me]...anyhow I'm much happier now...so I'll talk more later. |
Wow...what a reader that was! I was actually working as a security guard at the L&C Tower in downtown Nashville. I worked a 12 hour shift on Saturdays and Sundays. So my weekends were full of me working and sleeping. I was trying to find a new job to replace it. I do not remember going in for that job interview. I do remember frantically finding a new job. Oh and I had AOL. I would chat with friends online with dial up during the wee hours of the morning. The dial up would tie up the line, so I had to check my email and such at night. Billy was a guy I dated online. We were going to meet, but never did. I was strange in that I dated guys over the internet. Billy lived in Indiana. He and I "broke up" and then I sort of started Mikey. That did not last all. About this time, I started reading this book called Awakening the Giant Within and it was all about gaining self-esteem and I think it helped me a great deal. I always hate it when I see friends of mine for a split second as I did with John. He and I would ride talk on the Hillsboro bus to school when I was a senior in high school. I hung out with him the summer after when I would hang out with Rose. I saw him at Cafe Coco in 2004 and it seemed that he and I would start back to hanging out like old times, but somehow, it did not happen. I think at the time I was reluctant to restart a friendship in the vein of "our 1995/1996" friendship was so great that it can never be duplicated. We might as well just be strangers and not try to build upon it. I wish that I can take back that attitude. And just like how everyone I mentioned from the One-In-Teen section are all stuck in some picturesque part if my history...I was going somewhere with that sentence, but I lost the train of thought. I do miss going to those meetings, but I think that even at that time, I was thinking, "I miss back when..." and I never did really fully allow myself to enjoy that time period or so it seems. Because when I look back on that time period, I cannot help but think about how at that time, I was thinking about how much I missed an earlier time. I suppose it was because at the time, many people had come and gone through One-In-Teen. I found myself missing those people greatly and I wanted so much to have that feeling again. Then again, I think it was because I could feel myself growing and that I knew that someday, I would look back on that time frame with great sadness for reasons I could not comprehend and who knows where life will take me ten years from now. I think another reason why I look back with sadness is because of the way that people back then treated Tighlman, but looking back on it now, maybe it was the other way around and really the people who taunted him were the sad ones. The weak ones are always trying to pull down the strong ones.
- Fuel "Shimmer"
Labels: first of the month look back
posted at 00:02
item number: 6841615118404012671
